Memory of you

Oh some days, some days I miss you more than others,

I feel lost, like a part of me is missing,

Is that man gone forever or does he hide out inside of you?

Maybe I don’t know,

Maybe it’s you,

Maybe I just miss the memory of you

 I felt like the ground beneath me shook when you pulled away

My foundation was rocked

I lived but I had to find my own way

Maybe I don’t know,

Maybe it’s you,

Maybe I just miss the memory of you

I’m sorry I think but maybe I’m not

I’ve had forever to think

 But this is all I got

Maybe I don’t know,

Maybe it’s you,

Maybe I just miss the memory of you

Have to give

I can’t miss you
No matter how hard I try
My heart won’t have it
It’s nothing more than a lie

You’re not who I knew
And I can’t love this you
I tried but it’s true
I have nothing left for you.

Maybe you’re different now
Or it’s just a show
But what I have left to give
You’ll never know.

A part of me remembers
The way things use to be
The other part downed it out
Because of what I now see
MAH

The bright future

Trapped by a bright future
Closed in and pinned by the dream
Screaming on the inside for chaos
I claw my way out of the peace
Twitching for adulterated proclivity
Driven now by the raw need

Yearning for the uncontrollable
Killing myself with this greed
Bound by my own conscience
Straining at bonds til it bleeds
Kernels of doubt in my mind
Planted themselves like seeds

Consistency overwhelms fire
Smoldering ashes and steam
Are all that remain of desire
Spontaneous combustion, in dreams...


-A MAH & JEC collaboration

The Dream

The Dream

The flash of the warm light in my night eyes
The tear that reminded me that my heart still could beat again
The sparkles in my stomach
The words that took my breath away

He’s the dream I can’t wake up from
The dream that has taken over the parts of me that were long since forgotten
He’s the man too amazing to be a character in a dream but to wonderful to be anything less

Should I live to dream or dream to live?
Either way I know I am in for one amazing ride.

MAH

Better then the Drama

I’m sorry my friend

You don’t disserve the punishment for the crime you didn’t commit

You are better then the drama that has plagued me

I want nothing for you but the playful life and someone to yell your name



I thought I was doing the right thing this time

But I keep finding myself wanting to write to you



Forgive me my friend

I’m oh so sorry for all this.



MAH

True to me

Betray me

Stab me

You can’t take away my dignity.



I will not fall at your feet.

I don’t need your approval

Isn’t that something you can see

I have to be true to me.



I don’t need you but I do love you

Please don’t me show you the difference



It’s in my eyes and in my fists

If dealing with the hurt you cause is coming

I won’t take the risk



You have to do what you have to do

If that means saying good bye to me

Then darling just set me free



I will only be true to me.



MAH

Abandoned Post

Abandoned Post

I fell in love with a stranger ,

of a man I thought I knew.

I fell in love with the danger,

that could only be provided by you.

You use to be my baby and I your lady.

Till that night that it all went crazy .

It’s more then a dream,

It’s one I live everyday

It’s a hellish future,

With my heart all out on display.

I don’t want this,

no more blood, sweat or tears.

I’m done my crying,

I’ve been doing it far too many years.

I won’t be pinned down,

I’m not waiting for you,

I’m tired of this love thing I mean it I’m through.

MAH

Walking the Line

Good to see you

How have you been

Do you miss me

What does it all mean

Strangers meeting

Lovers no more

You are still my poison

Without any cure

I can see you

But can't breathe

You take all the words right out of me

I hate this feeling

Walking the line

And mostly that I keep feeling it time after time

MAH

My Darling My Angel

My Darling My Angel

I have been dreaming of you for as long as I can remember

Knowing a for a while I might not be able to have you

Been working on a song for years

Goes a little like baby my sweet baby

A part of me prays and the other just knows

I am meant to have you

But only lord knows

Sometimes cry and the rest I just accept

But it’s you my heart longs for

I know if I try I might lose you

And that would hurt me so

I fear in silence and pray there too

I just want more than anything to get to see you

I have dreamed of your of your face

And more of your soft touch

But it’s your smile that does so much

If I could have anything

It would be you

My darling my angel

I can’t wait to finally meet you.

MAH

Punishment and the Prize

Punishment and the Prize

Hey baby I’m afraid of losing you

Maybe it’s just history but it always seems like the thing we do

I fuck it up or you do but we always seem to

It’s all so new this time

Or it’s suppose to be

We got to get use to the concept of you without me.

I wanna be ok with it but it burns me inside when I try

I want you to be happy but I’m not gonna lie

A part of me will always be in love with you and struggle to say goodbye

Sometimes getting to keep you in any way is the punishment and sometimes the prize

The truth of it is hidden in my eyes

Nicely placed three behind my It’s ok disguise

MAH

The things you don’t want me to see

I think you expect me just to agree with you and see through those dull eyes but maybe baby you should look though mine

There is more to you then the little boy who had to keep trying to fit in and more than the man who wasn’t wanted.

You are who you had to be to survive inside and out. Those scars you carry are yours to bare but where you stop looking if where the best in you lives.

Few men can hide the beauty in their hearts like you do. But even you can’t hide it all the time. You’re gentle when no one is watching and show affection to things that can’t be taken from you.

I know you’re bruised and broke and just looking to live in the moment but there is more for you then just those moments.

You have an ability to capture your readers and show them your broken heart. Yet you hide behind others words and sometimes your own hoping no one will know.

You’re amazing in all your brokenness, you’re not perfect but you are strong in your imperfection. You are far more than anyone would ever expect. You just can’t see it.

I know it’s sometimes easier to be an outsider looking in then to live each day inside but trust me for I know what I see with my own eyes

You’re enough

MAH

Heart's Lament

Heart’s Lament

I love you, you know I do

Something tells me I will despite of what we do.

We have a twisted cycle, a crime of passion you can call it,

Each time we fight it, we do more to cause it.

I don’t know how to change it, and I’m not sure I want to,

Cause if changing it means losing you, it’s not something I’m prepared to do.

For some strange reason you make me feel alive,

I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or the reason I die inside.

I know it’s the same no matter how we play it out,

But how long I can do it is, something I’m starting to doubt.

I want you to listen to your heart, even if it’s not me

You have given meaning to my life and I just want you to be truly happy.

MAH

I know

I know

I don’t wanna fall in love with you again

But I’m afraid I’m already there

I can’t seem to say what I wanna say

Even though you’re standing right there

I’m scared I’m going to lose you

Or that things will always be this way

I want more then the pleasure of the flesh,

you gave me that taste and now I want the rest

I like the real you

The bad jokes, the self-conscious the brilliant.

All of this pile up is what makes us so resilient

I trust you with my life and maybe that makes me a fool

But all and all I know that it’s true

The guilt is what is getting to me

And inside I know what that means

You’re more then what meets the eye my friend

You mean the world to me

MAH

Heart Break St Cafe

Heart Break St Café
 
Welcome to the heartbreak St café
Home of the accidentally broken heart
He says it’s his policy
Not to date girls as far away as me
 
I said you know eventually
We are going to disagree
You said no
I’m always right trust me
 
You always seem to make me laugh and brighten up my day
I’ll bet you don’t even know
How you’ve changed me with that you say
 
For right now, I’ll wait for you
Until I find someone new
Who fills me the way that you do
 
MAH

Fought for you

Fought for you
 
I was your best friend
The voice inside your head
I mended your soul
I was all that you could need
But in the end, you left me
 
I fought and fought and fought for you
I did my best
I swore I’d die for you
Why couldn’t you fight for me too?
 
I’m the girl you talked about
I’m the one you couldn’t live without
Tell me now why you left me then
 
I wore your sweat shit
I loved your smell
Being with you kept this place from being hell
 
I fought and fought and fought for you
I did my best
I swore I’d die for you
Why couldn’t you fight for me too?
 
You changed who I am
You made me see my strength
Because of you, I can fight anything
 
Being my strength
Helped me stand on my own two feet
But in the end
You’re the hole inside of me
 
I fought and fought and fought for you
I did my best
I swore I’d die for you
Why couldn’t you fight for me too?
 
MAH

Our Ending

Our Ending

So afraid to close my eyes for fear that they maybe never open
So afraid to open them to see what isn't there

I want my heart to beat again
But I know that's it's too soon

I'm scared to talk to you fearing I'll blow it again
But knowing if I don't we will never be friends

You will always be in my heart
And the occasionally reason why it still beats

But all it really comes down to is
There is someone else out there in the world for you
And it isn't me.

MAH

Hidden so Deep

Hidden so Deep

I wanted you to give us a try
I waited for you realize that
You never came right out and said what you really meant
I held on to hope that your mouth would finally do the talking.
Your words only disappointed me.
I choose to walk away in the hopes that you would notice
I part of me still waits
However, the rest knows that the man that you are is hidden so deep
That only you can find him.


MAH

Reply

Reply

We talk in rhyme and verse
Of angels and of dreams
Fools to passion we once were
Knowing we could never be

Dancing with the words
Trying to convey every emotion
As if signing the signature to a letter

Our words hidden in sites of our own
Waiting for reply
Secret lives of lyricists
Dying a little more inside

Days pass, years soon will
Yet your words are captivating
So here is my answer in reply
Now I’ll wait under the night sky

MAH

Dream

Dream

I almost thought I saw you once
So close I could just about reach you
Knowing you have never been so far away

You were so new, so wrong and so tempting
I fell and kept falling further from grace
Your arms were my shelter
Yet they lacked to protect me from your heart’s destruction

Was it a dream? It had to be
I can’t explain it any other way
You said it yourself I broke my own heart
However those words were what sealed the deal

The Final blow was knowing I was in on it alone
I loved you, silly me for falling in love with a dream
MAH

My Ode to MFSD

My Ode to: MFSD

I miss the way things were when we were younger
You have always been my ground and my shelter
I knew I could come to you before any other

Your voice it self brings me comfort
But it’s when you sing I know I’m home

Night at home watching movies
The power rangers in all their glory,
Story of us made you cry
And I laughed as you batted your eyes

You’ve been there for me as long as I can remember
Disapproving of my romantic endeavors with men who didn’t fit your standards

Of the few things that I know
I have learned so much from you
In regards to matter of the heart
Through hiding behind 3 fingers

I could let this go on forever
But in the end there are not enough words to show my feelings true

I love you my Matty
And I hope one day I can be as good of a friend as you

MAH

Stuttered

Stuttered

The shear thought of you intimidates me.
Talking to you is completely out of the question.
Even the most remote of you makes my body go cold in a scalding hot shower.
My wit becomes stuttered when you are near.
Even my weak attempt to message you made my breathing stop.
You’re not what I thought but now I don’t know what I think,
Your worse then the normal rejection,
You hold the power to destroy my insides
I fear you so in turn you fascinate me.
I don’t know what to do
so I hide behind my poison of choice
and wait till my liquid courage kicks in
and maybe then you won’t scare me
so much.

MAH

Dust in the wind

Dust in the wind

There is a time in my life when I thought of you
Even a point when I thought I loved you

It seems crazy now that I felt that way then
I was a fool in the making
Just creating dust in the wind

Silly it seems the little things that make your heart beat
The way you laugh and smile and the way our eyes meet
These feelings I remember clear as the day
With time, I hope, they will all fade further away

Passion consumed me
While logic was destroyed
All that for the supposed love of a stupid boy

MAH

Mr. Right

Mr. Right

V1.
I know I’ll have found the right man
He’ll follow me when I walk away
I’ll know he’s the right one
By the words he’ll have to say

V2.
He’ll look me straight in the eye
And tell me I won’t let you go
You are the meaning in my life
Please tell me you know this so

Chorus
I know he is out there
Waiting to light up my life
I have to wade through all the bad ones
To find me my Mr. Right.

V3
The man for me will know how to hold me
And comfort me when I cry
He’ll kiss me sweetly
And never tell me goodbye

V4
He’s got to be the right one
when I can fall asleep in his arms
I’ll have finally found the place
where I can feel safe and warm

MAH

School girl

School girl

I feel like a school girl when I’m with you
Babbling uncontrollably
Scared to be who I’ve been
Terrified to be who I am

My honesty paralyzes me
What is unknown can’t hurt me
Your words have an ability to free me
And Freedom is fear

MAH

Man Like Me

Man Like me

Always questioning
Looking for reassurement
Trying to hide her thoughts while wearing them on her sleeve

Eyes closed yet always watching
Waiting for the right moment to run.
She doesn’t know I can see her

I’ve thought about what I might be missing
By letting her go
But she’s just not that kind of special

Broken hearts and lies are where I specialize
She’ll be one more loss in the crowd of many

Kissing her and counting the days
Waiting till she walks away
Bettering herself from a man like me.

MAH

Author’s Note: Another Perspective I thought I would try out

Waiting

Waiting

Waiting around knowing the end is in sight
Planning out what to say just right

Holding on to every moment
Getting every last kiss
Knowing full well this is something I am truly going to miss

I can see in you that you’ll miss me
And a part of me is counting on that
I’d like to think after all this that you’d want me back

I know once that you’re gone, you’re gone
And that I won’t be able to look back
I have to watch you leave me
And learn to be ok with that

I’m tired of doing the right things
Equally tired of being wrong
Sick of hearing what doesn’t kill you makes you strong

For once my heart and head agree
And think I should do what’s right for me

I don’t want to say goodbye to you
I don’t want this to end
But I know I will so you can be happy in the end.

MAH

Knock the wind

When I’m with you I feel alive deep inside
The rest of the time I have liar’s eyes

You have an ability to knock the wind right out of me
And show me things I have never seen
All while forcing me to hide them deep inside of me

You spoke those 3 words to me to keep me from leaving
And so I stayed
Little did I know that those words would forever doom me

Your passion is refreshing
However my uncertainty prevents me from feeling such joy

Each day with you is different from the last
Always unpredictable yet
Sadly leading one day closer to the finish

There is no use pretending it’s not coming
The inevitability is felt by both of us
This makes enjoying the ride difficult
Yet fascinating

MAH

The Way

The Way

The look in your eyes
The sound of your voice
The way your lips frowned

The touch of your cheek
The way you fought me
The way you kissed me knowing each one could be our last

The beating of your heart through your chest
The feeling of your hand in mine
The way you looked at me

The way you sang
The touch of your hand on my face
The passion in your last kiss
The way you left with my heart

MAH

You Part of me

You Part of me 7/22/2004

I’m watching you slip away with no way to reach out to bring you back. I won't let you break my heart. So tonight the you part of me dies. Goodnight

-MAH

Where I use to be

Where I use to be.

Sometimes I just don’t know what to do
When crying won’t solve anything
Why haven’t I ever been in this place before?
Everything was so simple before
I could think and cry it away and now it’s on me
I just don’t know how to think about it and I just can’t cry
It’s not like me to just let things go bye
This is no time to laugh and no time to walk away
I wanna have a clue
I just don’t wanna end up giving up
That’s just not like me
I always fight till it’s all right

MAH

Two hurt hearts two sorrys too late.

Two hurt hearts two sorrys too late.

How many I’m sorrys before your heart believes me?
Can you close you eyes and not hate me?
When you dream can you love me?
Am I who you thought I was?
Can your heart see past what I have done?

I can’t forgive myself.
I don’t know what to do.
My mind still thinks, “a part of me still loves you”.
How can that be.
What did I do to deserve you.

How could I have let this happen?
Why aren’t you furious?
Should I say I’m sorry again?
Will you say please let it go?

To my dear cupid, please don’t hold back your words.
You were never meant to belong to me
You were too good.

Who am I now?
How could you forgive me?
Your heart is so pure and so precious.
A sweetheart till the end.
I hope one day our hearts will mend.

Do you forgive?
Can you forget?
Am I worth fighting for or is this the end?
Are the sorrys to late have we come to our end?
MAH

Till the end

Till the end

You are my friend till the end
Tomorrow is not your end my friend
Each day together is one more leap of faith

If you’ll believe in me I’ll rescue you
There is nothing that I can’t do
You can’t scare me
I’m not afraid of this world.

All I ask is for you to need me
And do for me as I do for you
And always remember the occasional I love you.

Friends are what is worth fighting for.
For as long as forever is we are friends.
Today and tomorrow, Wednesday and next week we are friends.
You are never alone my friend
I am here.

Never lose faith in me
For I am the angel that was send for you
If you let me I can make you smile
And show you wonders you have never seen

All I ask is for you to need me
And do for me as I do for you
And always remember the occasional I love you.

I pray for you
I ask the lord to watch over you
And do all he can do
My friend It’s not your time and nor is it mine
Were friends till the end and it’s too early to be our end.

If you laugh for me
I’ll smile for you
There is nothing in this world we can’t do
If were together as friends there is no end and each day is a little longer.

All I ask is for you to need me
And do for me as I do for you
And always remember the occasional I love you.

MAH

The wonderful world we live in

The wonderful world we live in

Hate,
Love,
Racism,
Open minded,
Fear,
Courage,
Dishonesty,
Loyalty,
Ignorance
Intelligent,
Depression,
Happiness
Crying,
Giggling.

MAH

The Ultimate Good-Bye

Oh Dear Friend,
Over so many years I’ve learned to treasure your friendship. I’ve learned to love you. We’ve been through so much together. As each day passed we learned something new about each other. I Wish I knew you longer and that I still knew you. Now you have changed. You’re so cold now. You left my life with so much pain now I’m alone in life again. I keep remember all the fun times or the time that were suppose to be fun like graduation, dances and just hanging out. You use to make smile and laugh. I wish you would come back to me. I wish you would come back to me. Each day I think of writing you a letter telling you how I feel and how I miss you so much. You use to watch over me until you left. Everyday I remember so much more about how we were. Than how one day you left. You never told me you were leaving. You never told me. You could tell me anything and you did you just left. You left me behind with all those people to explain. I wish I could be with you and I can’t. If I could have anything it would be to hear your sweet sweet voice. How could you leave and only say good bye in a note. You left me in so much pain and totally confused. Damn you why? I’ve spent so much time thinking what to say or even if I’m going to give this to you or not. Hey kiddo we were a great team. It’s sad that now it’s only a one-person team. You left me, everything and everyone forever, But why?
MAH

The Mean People must die

Why?

The mean people must die.
There power I will take
They will fall once I can get up.
They won’t touch me anymore, not anymore.
I hate their strength I hate them with all of my being.
So what if you’re bigger and your older there is going to be no more of this.
I’m going to take you down.
The anger in me is raging and my fists are clenching,
Now it is time.
Time to fall and time to be weak.
It’s your time to feel like you always make me.
I’m going to be cruel and show you maybe even crueler than you.
I hate you I hate you I hate you.

How can you hurt him? Why?
I can’t stop you and it kills me.
Why? Dear god, why must he hurt him why won’t he stop?
All I can do is cry and pray I’m so damn helpless!
You’re killing an angel and innocent precious angel.
I wish I could ring your throat and stop you.
This is the last time you will never hurt him again.
Never ever again. Never!
MAH

Sharing is caring and sharing Fucking sucks

Sharing is caring and sharing Fucking sucks

Why do I have to fight to keep what’s mine?
I found.
I earned.
Damn it why can’t I keep what’s mine
I’m tired of sharing and fixing your mistakes
I did the work and I don’t get the benefits
For once let me have what’s mine
And have it the easy way.
Fuck the time and energy wasted
Are things ever simple?
You wouldn’t even be real without me
God damn this boils my blood
I don’t wanna fight
I don’t wanna care
But no matter what I always have to fucking share.

MAH 4/25/04

Replace me

Replace me

Can try to replace me
But you know there is No one like me

Welcome to knowing what second best is like
ain’t got anything that I don’t already have

Maybe I’m selfish maybe I’m rude
But I know the truth

Struggle to walk my walk
And talk my talk
Just keep trying,
Can’t learn my style

Attempt to fill a woman’s shoes
When you’re just a girl

To call it as it seems
I’d hate to be the rebound

MAH

Reactions

Reactions

As each day passes
I change inside
Your actions, your words
My reaction, my thoughts
I am learning to trust my choices
To rely on my two cents
I see you as the devil on my shoulder
Yet my inner passion thrives on you
I don’t need you or your permanency
But you fill a void left by so many before you
Hello lesson of truth and consequences
I am Karma’s kick me sign wear a come and get me grin

MAH

12/13/04

Please, for me

Please, for me

(Quiet prayer)
Please: Take my tears
My love
My friends
My heart
My dreams
My future
And all of my world.
I’ll give it all up for him. I’d close my eyes and die. Please don’t take him from me. I know I don’t get a choice.

(Main lyrics)
He’s going to do what you say. Butt please, please don’t take him away.

(Chorus)
I don’t want to live without him can’t live without don’t want to see another day. I’ll give up my life, my heart, my mind; I’ll cry that last tear away just so he can live just one more day

(Quite prayer)
All might lord please. Bring pity on my poor soul. Please don’t take him from me. My life won’t be the same. I ask this of you only because I need him for every tomorrow’s tomorrow.

(Main lyrics)
Please___________ for me

(Chorus)

(Spoken)
Please, Please lord please.
MAH

Ouch

Ouch


That minute you know it won’t happen and your heart sinks into your stomach.
You look so hard for that rock to crawl under
All the wind is sucked out of your lungs and you are left speechless
The cold disappointment of the moment surrounds you
Any normal day the tears would come a falling but not today for some reason they forgot to hold water
A cold stare fills your eyes, nothing around you has any shape, and you pay that no mind

The words replay in your head over and over “the girl I’m seeing”

MAH

Now I remember

Now I remember

Now I know why I don’t give my heart away
I don’t let anyone have what I try to keep safe
I remember what it felt like to be alone and how I hated it
It really hurts me to know I did it again
Every time I let someone get close to me they take a part away from me
They change me and say they care then they leave and there I am again alone and lost
It always seems so different with that part missing and I don’t know whether it’s the part of me or them not being there.
Now I remember why I know so much and why I think so much cause if only, I think then I’m safe cause then only I can hurt me and I can control that.
Today may be the day I think all of this but when is the day I’m going to act on any of it.
MAH

No Tomorrow

No Tomorrow

The phone rang and I skipped to answer it. With a cheerful helloooo I answer the phone. I hear an upset voice after listening for a few minutes. I drop and fall to my knees. Crying and breathing deeply. I can’t figure out what I am thinking. All I hear in my head is why? Gasping for air I stay on the floor. Mascara running and blood shot eyes. They ask me what’s wrong and I fall again. There words can’t make it go away. I don’t have enough strength to hold the tissue to wipe my nose. All I can say is “Why oh got why?” With no tears left I lay there in a gaze with no thoughts, no feelings. I hear the phone ring countless times and the answering machine with “Are you ok? Call me. Please call me I need you.” I can’t say anything. I can’t ea. No food for days, no sleep. There is nothing I can do. There is no thought except why. After so many hours it’s late or early whatever way it’s thought. I give up. I raise me hands to the lord “god I give up”. I reach for the razor and slash my wrists. Here my angle you left me and as I told you I can’t live with out you. I hope this is an end quickly and that we are together soon. I told you that if you went so did i. I told you I would never live to see the next day so let me die quickly so I don’t. I raise me hands “ I’m sorry”. Those my last words I fall to the floor and finally I leave this world. Cold and lifeless their lay my body but It doesn’t matter because I’m with my angel.
MAH

My Lovely Darling

My Lovely Darling


Hush my darling close your eyes
Your safe here I will watch and love you
Please don’t cry my lovely it hurts me so much to see you like that
You’re my angel, the angel I must help find its way.
I love you for who you are
You’re my heart


Hush my darling don’t say another word
You’re not hearing what you’re saying
Please listen to me my lovely I can help you
You’re the main piece of my puzzle, the piece that doesn’t want to fit
I need you
You’re my soul


Hush my darling but never forget why you’re here
I can’t dream of a reason why you shouldn’t be
Please my lovely don’t run away from me
You’re my hope in this cold world
I dream about you
You’re my will to survive


Hush my darling my sweet sweet darling
Can you hear me crying in fear for you?
Please help me my lovely
You’re the last tear I have left to cry
I’m scared. Are you there?
You’re my death

MAH

My Baby

My Baby

All I wanna do is be next to you
I wanna do is hold you and kiss your face
You’re my baby and I love you and that’s how it goes
You make me happy and love me for who I am
There something about your honesty that blows me away
It’s not like you humor me just to make me happy or tell me crazy lies you just tell me what you see with your beautiful brown eyes
You made my world go tipsy terby and all crazy spun around
My mind’s in places I never thought I would see and my heart is bouncy bouncy with udder glee!
There is no one I love more than my baby

MAH

Mr. Man : An Ode to

Mr. Man : An Ode to


there is no use in getting mad at you
you don't understand that concept
your gorgeous and you know it
and nothing else really matters to you
You brighten my day
and as long as I don't get attached you are godsend
Your charm makes me feel on top of the world
guys like you don't show interest in girls like me
but you do
thank you for the self esteem boost
also the inflation of my ego
guys like you are meant to stand as examples of how not to be dated
always the single man., the ladies man , the one never with an empty bed
thank you for the feeling that I am desirable for even a night.
I tip my hat to you Mr. Man

MAH

Lover's eyes

Lover's eyes

Can this world be a place that a child can grow and learn to love? Can i be the one you see with your lover's eyes? Is your heart pure with a child's glow and their laugh? Can I be your heart's mender, the healer the one with the Lover's eyes? Am i the one you love? Do you know how to love? Where you taught as a child? Did you grow and learn?
I am the one who loves you, loves you with all my heart. I can close my eyes and see you. I can smile and think of you. Do you love me? Do you care? Can you love? Do you dare? Close your eyes stop your lover's tears. Smile for me and say what you mean! Tell me everthing even your lover’s dreams.
MAH

King of the Castle

King of the Castle

There is something I will never be and as cruel as them is it
I wonder if they hear there own words
Or understand their effects
Just shooting there mouths off and shooting there mouths
Never fucking stopping to think before they speak
They teach us the things we should know and then become hypocrites to their lessons
They seem to hit a certain age and forget what it’s like
Always barking orders and wondering why no one listens
Why don’t they just do and stop thinking their king of the castle
They’re nothing more than us
What makes them think there better?
I know we wanna be happy we all wanna be fucking happy
What makes them think they can stand in the way of that
Their words belittle our worlds and us
They want us to be nothing or something so they say
Who can tell anymore?
They don’t know what we need and they don’t have it in them to give it
Why fight for us what in the hell would they fight for us
Just bring us down and down till we stop coming to them and see the light
We all realize that there nothing and we owe nothing to them
Nothing! Nothing! Nothing!
Then we stop and vow to be nothing like them,
It’s over, There over and were gone!
MAH

It all happens tomorrow

It all happens tomorrow

Today is the day of my heart's last good bye.
The day of my sorrow and the day of new love.
I'm letting my heart say it's first hello and in long time.
This world is cruel and mean but it can be great.
I hate the ones who screwed me over and over till
They made me to cry.
I hate the mean people who sat there and made fun of me, and I hate the ones, my so called friends, that sat there and watched it all happen.
Why is our world so screwy????
Can you love the ones you hate, and turn your back on the
Ones who you need.
Are you stronger than they are?
Does your heart feel no pain for the ones you loved you and left you behind, the ones who hurt you and left and most importantly the ones who never said good bye?
Can I close my eyes and find the place where my heart can learn how to love and feel again.
I think so but do I want to feel the pain all over again and cry those tears and hate so strong?
No, it's better to be lifeless and care no more.
MAH

In your arms

In your arms

In your arms I see the sunlight rise in your eyes.
I wonder is it forever or when you have time.
Truly I love you with my heart and my heart is what I listen to.
In you arms Love is what I feel and I need you,
Am I the only one who feels this way?
Maybe I see I see what I want to and believe what I see,
In you arms I see what I love.
(And that’s you)
MAH

In my soul

In my soul

(Chours and first part of song)
In my eyes i see you, in my soul i need you, in my heart I love you, in myhead i miss you.

I miss your smile. I miss the way you are, i Miss your walk , i miss the way tou talk.

Baby i miss you, your my friend, baby i miss you your my best friend.
I listen to the songs on the radio and remember what you said, your perfect well, at least you think you are. you alwayscould make me smile and tell me when i was wrong, baby i miss you I really really miss you.
Your the first thought of everyday and the taste of salt at the end of every night. Your so close now but soon you'll be so far away, what will i do with out you?
when you my heart will feel sorrow like you always but who will carry my buckets this time. Who will stop and pray.

Baby i miss you , miss you with all my heart, miss you with everthing i have. You filled the whole in my heart, You fill the whiole in my heart i thought would never be filled. you saved me from my self and my own distruction.
(chours)
In my eyes i see you, in my soul i need you, in my heart I love you, in myhead i miss you.
MAH

I Would Walk

I Would Walk
6/14/04

So close yet so far away
why such an amazing man at such a distance
My heart sees no flaw in wanting
what my mind sees as difficult.

MAH

To My Ladies

To My Ladies

Here’s to the ladies who try their best to be unlike the rest of them
To the ones who have done their best to fight the all girls are evil stereo types
Here’s to the ones who can hang out like the best of them
Be proud ladies you are very few and far between
You know how to love and how to be in love
You can trust your heart because you are not afraid to be who you are
You may finish last but all the greatest always do
Hold true and be proud

Some people may never see you for all that you have to give but know inside that you are amazing.
Ladies believe in your hearts that you are strong and can do anything you put your mind to.

Here’s to the ladies that can remain friends with guys who take and take and never give
To the ones who help guys translate the girl world
Ladies you deserve praise for the time you spend helping your guy friends deal with their crazy girlfriends knowing you love them more then those girls ever could.
Here’s the to times you wanted to punch out some girl for hurting your friend but couldn’t cause you were asked not to
Be satisfied knowing you’ve done your best with what you had

To the ones who show concern for our guys when they do dumb things like drink cases of beer on a dare and punch windshields
Here’s to the ladies who clean up the mess and check their still breathing

Here’s to the ladies who talk on the phone to the drunk guys and later to find they don’t remember talking to you

Here’s to my girls who don’t put out to get a guys attention

Here’s to the ladies who can think for themselves
And to those who can go to the bathroom alone

Here’s to the ladies who hear guys bitch about how nice guys finish last, yet sit there as they pass over you like your not there

Cheers to the ones who are not magazine covers and not perfect in every way
You are beautiful too in a non-air brushed way
Look in a mirror knowing you sparkle and shine

Ladies hold yourselves in high regard you are rare


MAH

He

He

The deep laugh and the sparkle in his eyes.

It's the I understand smile and the humor he brings to any situation.

It is the way he is,

That's what makes him special.

It seems like he is a friend you've had for years.

He takes away all sadness and makes me smile.

The way he acts makes me laughs.

That is what makes him special.

For long and forever he will be special,

And always in my life.

MAH

Friends

Friends
The ones that care for you no matter what.
They may never say it but they love you.
The angels on your shoulder,
the people that carry your buckets of sorrow till there empty again,
Your world, life and heart.
The only thing that means anything to you.
Friends are forever
MAH

Exhaustion

Exhaustion

The blackness covers the slowly beating heart
as each moment passes the questioning continues
to feel or to quit?
The yearning to be whole aches from deep inside.
Mistruths and misleadings guide the heart
toward the perils of exhaustion.

MAH

Deleted

Deleted

I deleted our past
I got rid of your stuff
And walked the furthest I could away

I did a lot of thinking
And know this to be true
When things were over
Your love for me was gone too

These times have always confused my thoughts
Knowing that the words and the emotions
Weren’t the same

I’m not blaming
Knowing my own heart
Won’t allow it

Hurting you was something I secretly excelled at
Treachery and lies became my escape

MAH


Author's Note: This was about when I deleted the aim convo's from John and delt with how much it bothered me that he had moved on.

All night

All night

do you, do you do you want me?
wanta play all night long.
kiss me up and kiss me down
want to go all around, ohhhhhhhh
wanta play around?
rolling on the ground
kiss me , oh , oh
I'll rub you up ,I'll rub you down
with a smile and get you going.
oh baby........lets see
what faces i'll make you do
oh yeah,
baby, baby, oh , oh baby!!

I want to play with you
i want you bad
real bad,
I'll pull you close to me and fuck you all night
all night, all..... night
here is graente after i'm done you'll want it again
i'm so good and i'm so hot
I'm not the one saying it babe it was him and him and him ..... hahahahahah

Now do you want me and want it real bad?
how do you want me and how hard are you?
no matter what you say no matter what you do i'll still fuck you
now do you want me?
do you, do you?
OOOOOOOOOOOOO HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Author's Note: Don't ask about this one

A moment in time

A moment in time

A girl sat in a room filled with furniture filled over waste height. This room was a mess and she wondered why in god’s green earth she was there in the first place. It didn’t take long for her to remember. She sat down in this maroon chair that looked like it belonged in an old 70’s era club. She sat and watched as the stage was set around her. This man walks over with a guitar case and starts to talk to her. She smiles and watches him wondering what he’s about to do. The man opens the case and pulls out his beautiful wood grain guitar and pulls the guitar strap over his shoulder. The girl watched with an extreme curiosity. He started to play and she watched him. Her eyes entranced on his fingers on the strings. The sound was amazing. She watched as he played for a while and seldom looked up as his face. After a while of playing she looked up at his eyes and watched his heart pour into his music as he played. It was then when he looked over at her. Then there eyes met the both looked for cover and pretended they had never been look at one another. She went back to watching the string but couldn’t help but look at him now. She could see into his soul, how could she pretend that she never saw that spark in him. She saw him starting to look at her again and she quick looked else where but her eyes couldn’t leave his face for very long. He was something else, something different and eye catching. She was totally enchanted with the man. A special glow became of her face and she just watched and played the little eyes game for rest of the time he played.

MAH

Genius

Genius


The epitome of intellect,
Stone cold eyes,
Dragon tone,
Sharp movement and stern nods ,
It makes you wonder if there real or just an image of greatness in failure.
Thoughts of concurring,
Hate and envy,
Drifter too far to swim back bot to far to far to reach the final destination.
Where is he and where did he come from?
Is he real?
Is he real?
IS HE REAL?

MAH

Cause I promised I wouldn't forget you

Cause I promised I wouldn't forget you


Tomorrow is a new day
but I'm still going to see your eyes
I want it to be over
I need you to see what you're doing to me
It's time for you to cry
What did I do to deserve this?
What can I say to make it end?
I don't know what you're doing to me
I just want it to end
It's been hurting for too long.
I've been crying till my eyes turn red,
Wishing I could be apart of you,
Accepting the fact that I can't.
I'm still longing for it to be over
I'm trying not to look at your eyes
Dreaming of that happy day knowing I won't have to cry
Walking on that quiet road listening for that long awaited good bye
I miss that voice and the gentle side and the words that made it all better
I want the pain to go away but I can't forget you
What did I do to make you leave?
And what do I have to do to make you come back?
MAH





Author's Note: this poem i wrote a while ago adn is about Jay and how i said i would never forget him and even when i've tried i couldn't

Speechless, (finally)

Speechless, (finally)




Now is the time I wish I has the word to thank you.
God it's been amazing
Just completely unreal
There aren't even words for the way I feel right now,
It's like a fairy tale
I finally get my chance to be the princess and not the maid
I have never heard such words there so like a dream to me
I don't know how to talk or stand
I just fly away
God there is something that I really need to thank you for
I wish I knew how to put it but I can't find those words either
I just can't talk
My heart has reached that level of fullness that no matter what happens I'm still happy
There is nothing I could do that could show my appreciation for all this.
There is this thing that is totally new to me and well it's all so amazing
I don't know what to say or how to ask but I do know that it's so real
I have never felt so special and loved and needed all in one day
It's so wonderful, so totally awesomely unreal,
This can't be real it's too wonderful it has to be a dream
The only think is though I know it's not
It has to be real cause there is this weeking that makes it all so so
Here we go again, I can't find the words
There aren't even songs that I can find that have this feeling in them
It's sooooooooo incredibly wonderful
God why do I get to be apart of this wonder, am I really that important
Have I really paid my dues and got my chance to be so happy
It has to be a dream but in a dream I could find the words to say what I need to
How do I say these thing and makes them show how I feel
I really wish they would come to me so I can say all the things in my heart
I know they're there but I don't know how to makes them come to my lips
God how do I say thank you and tell him I love him in better words?
Where are these words?


MAH


Authors note:
This poem is about Derrick Manley. It tells about after all the people I've met he was the one who swept my off my feet and made me speechless.
1

2-1-01

2-1-01


I've never been so confused in my life

It's so hard to pretend that I'm ok

Things just aren't right and I want so badly for them to be

I put on that smile and say "oh I'll be fine" even though I don't know when that will happen

Tomorrow is a new day; I'll just have to think of it that way

It's so hard though

I don't know if tomorrow will bring me happiness or if anything any time soon will

I'll just wait and see and if it's too long I don't know were I'll be

Just don't think you'll come back and that's what's killing me

I think you say your good bye and that was your way out

And to keep from totally killing me you said wait and we'll see

I just don't know what to do I'm just so con-fused

MAH

Author's Note:
Feburary 1st was the day me and Derrick broke up. It was a bad day to say the least.

All Me

All Me


It's all my fault I didn't love you enough
I could have given you more of what I had
I wanted you to know how much I loved you
I'm so sorry I can't fix that now
I want my baby to be happy
I wish I could give you what you wants but I can't
I would if I could I swear I would
I wish I knew what to say or what to do
I tried to let you know that I'm there when you need me
I want you to know that I'll wait for you
MAH
Author's Note:
This is about what i did wrong with Derrick and how i blamed myself.
1

Perfect

Perfect
3-22-01

I'll never have that perfect smile and I'll never have those perfect teeth
I'll never sing that perfect note.
I'll never be your perfect girl friend and I'll never dance that perfect step.
I'll never be that perfect height and I'll never weigh that perfect amount.
I'll never have that perfect laugh and I'll never have those perfect nails.
I'll never forget those perfect times and I'll never be that perfect person
I'll never dream those perfect dreams and see those perfect grades.
I'll never tell that perfect joke and I'll never be that perfect friend.
I may not have perfect things but I'll always be the perfect me.
MAH

Authors Note:
I wrote this poem after me and Derrick broke up.

Chaos in a white blanket

Chaos in a white blanket


Who would have thought today of all days would be as bad.
I never dream that it could be over when I woke up
It's all my fault there was nothing I could do
I tried to stop but it just slid.
It's my fault for not going another way
I didn't think I just did think
There was nothing I could do
Their lives were in my hands and I had no control
I never dreamed that this could happen
I thought that it was ok to drive and we were doing well for most of the way
We were on the home stretch about 4 blocks from home
I made that left, that I shouldn't have and went slow and just lost control
I tried to stop and hit the breaks and I steered but nothing worked
It was my fault that we hit that pole
I could have gone the other way that was less steep
I could have called someone
This was my entire fault
It was all me and I screwed up
And now I'm scared
MAH

Author's note:
This was written about the day i got into the car accident in the snow.
1

In your eyes I am complete

In your eyes I am complete
8\6\01 2 am

After all this I still adore thee
The light and the heat still bring me to you
I can’t get enough of your touch is makes me tingle inside
And I can’t control this feeling or this longing to be yours
I want nothing more that you
After all this I know I can’t have you now
I let you go after I kissed your face
You told me words I never wanted to hear but needed to
You told me this was wrong and maybe you were right
But as I said before I still adore thee
I wanna let you go but I’d miss you
I want to move on but I don’t cause I think I need you
You make me happy.

MAH

Author's Note:
This poem is about Joe. He is one of those people that you can tell who they are by looking in to their eyes

Running away

Running away
8-16-01

He thinks if he looks away no one will see
He thinks no one is catching on
He tries to hide this feelings but I can see them
For being so smart he’s forgetting to hide his eyes
The silence is a hint but his eyes do the talking
He’s fighting what he knows he doesn’t wanna feel
He keeps running away and trying to leave it behind
It’s going to catch up with soon and he’s going to have to deal with it
Bit till then he’ll keep running away.

MAH
Author's Note:
This Poem is about Will and what happened between him and Aud.
1

My First True Blue

My First True Blue


Better off alone then disappointed on Lover's day;
It could have been so great just you and me.
I would have started to plan and thought of things to say,
All the romantic dreams of what it could be.

Today would have been my first time,
The excitement was building with in.
I would have my very first Valentine!

Alone in sprit is how I feel,
Even though I know your here.
You don't like the day so I'll deal,
I Love You isn't enough and I want to show you my heart, my dear.

All this makes me think that hopeless romantics are no more,
I'm the last one that's true.
My dreams, thoughts and prayers crashed on the floor,
And as much as I hate to say it , I'm that red valentine turn blue.

MAH
2-14-02


Author's Note:
It's my first Rhyme one so if it sucks i'm sorry!
about my first V-day with a boyfriend and how he said i don't celibrate V-day!

Chemical Jackson

Chemical Jackson

so far out of my reach
yet so close to touch
you are my down fall
those eyes, that hair
i can only dream
i am your puppet on a string with nothing else to do
Walk away never knowing
Never wanting to know
so differnt from me
your so memerizing
to watch you talk and you to play
not fair
so traped
Ah the things i could say
things i wanna say
but i'll shut up
it's not time
MAH

Author's Note: 4/8/03 I wrote this poem about a boy i couldn't have cause he was my boyfriend's best friend.

Buzzzzzzzzzzz

Buzzzzzzzzzzz

Don't sell yourself short
But I can only yell that from the sideline
My say counts for nothing
Save the world
Right I can't even get through to you
Caring is so overrated
And every time I try I get shut down
She shoots, she misses
MAH

JMMB

JMMB

I never thought that I would be afraid to talk to you.
I swore we would always be so very close
Best Friends Forever remember
I heard that song you sang me the other day
And I found someone who's just like you
I still have your sweatshirt and your voice in my head
I miss your smell and your strong touch
Your picture is in a drawer and your memory in my tears
You haven't left me my friend but you're gone
I never thought I would be you
MAH

Author's Note: This Poem is about a friend of mine and if you know anything about me then you should know how it is.

Dream Sequence

Dream Sequence


I remember the blissful days.
All the laughs and fond memories.
Each day was meant to be lived for the moment because they were so wonderful.
My dreams full of stars one for every moment that I loved.
I soared as high as the eye could see and further there was nothing wrong that could stop me.
There weren't even enough angels in heaven that could amount to the smiles on my face.
It was like a godsend.


Now I open my eyes and look at me.
I see the pain and torment in my weak beaten eyes.
So lost and so confused.
I try to hold on to what I have left of the sugar plum land.
It was so perfect.
So damn right in every way.
God throw me in your mercy and tell me what I did to disserve this.
My beautiful, wonderful world is gone.
Everything I hold on to brings more hurt.
There is nothing that lifts me up.
Everything brings back something.
I can't forget the joy I once had.
I try to rip up the world and totally trash my mind but I still have the memories, the pain, the tears and the empty dreams.
MAH


Author's Note: this poem is about parents and how they think there everything and forget there not!

Something I once thought

Something I once thought


I never thought I could happen to me, Never dreamed that I would live in my own hypocrisy. there was something that told me it could never happen. It wasn't possible nope not me. I always preached that it couldn't be real not this early. it can't be but I know that it is. I know that I do, it's time to be real and say exactly how I feel...
I think I'm in love
MAH








Authors note:
Well this poem is one about how i thought falling in love so early couldn't happen but i was so wrong!

The Amazing Girl

The Amazing Girl


What it's like I just don't know to be the other girl to be getting all I want and when I want it?
It's odd being so moral and "good".
I just don't get it
What stops me from being them, being so forceful?
Why can't I ever pull of what they do or more like why don't I try
What's wrong with me?
Am I not good enough but that doesn't make sense cause I'm so different from what I'm told
I'm so amazing and everything else but yet even the ones who mouths that comes out of are even thrilled but the other girls and there ideas
It makes no sense to me!
I don't know if I'm suppose to stay being the different girl or become like them to see what it's like to do what I want
Damn it what keeps me back what keeps me moral.
Maybe I think too much or know too little maybe that's it
Or maybe I'm just not pretty enough to get what I want
Or maybe, maybe I should be like them and throw myself on everyone then they would like me
Is it wrong to want all this, to want to be the center of attention?
Am I just too much of a goodie goodie, but I'm not I'm not pure I'm just not them
The other girls they get what they want, they get what I want; they get what want to want them.
Damn this world, it just sucks to be the other girl to be the different girl, to be the amazing girl amazing... yeah right!


MAH

Author's note:
This is about me wanting to be in the lime light and be special.

Only in dreams

Only in dreams


Don't tell me I'm special
Cause I'm not
Don't tell me I'm worth it
Cause I'm not
I'm not beautiful
So don't say that either
Don't tell me you miss me
Cause you don't
Don't tell me were gonna get back together
Cause your being all talk
Stop saying you love me
Cause it hurts
I want it to be how it was
But it probably won't
I long to be in your arms
But it's only in dreams that I am
I almost believed that you thought I was beautiful
But then you stopped saying it
I thanked god that someone finally needed me like I needed them
But then you said that you need to work things out and you needed me not to be there
I gave all of my heart in hopes to get all of yours
But even you left me
I wanna say everything to you
But I can't
I want to be your everything
But now I'm your nothing
I know I have to be strong
But it's so hard
I have never wanted to hurt you
But I don't know whether you want me to let you go
I'm so confused and hurting so bad
But there is nothing I can do
All this waiting it driving me nuts
Cause all I want to do I be there and show you I love you
Those words, those 3 little words they're everything to me
Cause who would have thought you're everything to me.


MAH

Author's Note:
This was also written about Me and Derrick's break up.
1

My Prince Charming

My Prince Charming


When that day I met you I knew I loved you
I played my little games and you played yours
Then that night she told me that you liked me
I couldn't even begin to tell you how amazing I felt
This boy who I've been talking to really likes me
The most amazing, sweetest, sexiest boy likes me
I couldn't stop giggling and dancing around
Then I talked to you later I told you that I didn't think I stood a chance with you
You told me you felt the same way
I thought to myself there are people like me
You said wait I don't wanna do this here but I have to then you asked me out
My heart stopped and all I could think was I'm so crazy if even think about this for second
I was going crazy that night cause I couldn't tell anyone cause they were all asleep
I saw you 2 days later painted nails and all
That was when it was like I love this kid more than anyone I've ever known
I was so happy and I even bounced around in school
I WAS FINALLY HAPPY!
You talked to me every night and your words swept me off my feet till I couldn't walk or talk
I tried to tell you that you made me the happiest I had ever been and that you were my world
I soon later got to tell you that I loved you and for the first time in my life cried happy tears
It was all smooth sailing from there
There were a few little things that we dealt with but we were together and nothing even matter
When it was you and me there was nothing else in the whole world
You made me laugh and dance around like a freak
I made you sing and hold me in your arms
My dreams were all about you and being with you
You told me that you would love me forever and no matter what and I should never forget that and I said I couldn't
I knew that when you told me that I would always love you and even if I tried I could never forget you
You make me smile just thinking about you let alone the feelings I have being with you
Our love was just like you said it was it was from a movie
It was one of my love songs
It was amazing or just maybe it is amazing and always will be
Cause with you I'll always be a princess and you'll be my prince
And it will be just you and me
MAH

Author's Note:
I wrote this poem when I was going out with Derrick. I thought i had met my prince.
1

Almost Special

Almost Special

On that 28th day I know what I'm going to do. That is when I'll say good bye to you. On that day I'll be leaving this place and that will be when even thought I wish I didn't have to, I'll start forgetting your face. Who would have thought, that day would come and it would be my day to run. You made me happy before and now you are something else. I guess I'll never know how far things would go but knowing what I do its time to say good bye to you.


MAH

Author's note:
this poem was one more attempt to put Derrick Behind me and let go cause i kept holding on.

To good for me

To good for me
3-20-01

To think I believed your words all of that you said to be true.
You told me I made your life worth it and that you don't know what you would do without me.
I see now that isn't true.
You told me I was beautiful and I really started to believe it all.
Now I read the messages and know your eyes see different now.
You thought me that people will like you for being unique. Not surprising at all you became another face in the crowd.
Lastly you told me that I was too good for you and I didn't see it then but I do now and those are the only words I believe.


MAH

Author's Note:
I wrote this after me and Derrick broke up. It was a bad time i had to work through. I was really upset and resentful.

I knew it was coming

I knew it was coming
6-30-01

That night changed me. We were at your house nothing out of the ordinary. It was really no different that any other but the ending of this normal story was different. I’m always known we were close but this changed it. I’ve guess I’ve always seen it coming well never really minded the thought. I guess I never really thought I would be now though. It was always there but never talked about. Well tonight brought it to life though. We were doing our normal good-byes. Little different cause you were just recently home again and I missed you. So you picked me up and hugged me and I wrapped my legs around you and we looked at each other and then it happened. It finally happened we kissed. She saw us and it happened. I don’t know who kissed who but well we kissed. Then we played it off like nothing ever happened. But It did, I know it did. I felt it change things. I didn’t mind it and I don’t regret it but will you remember? I’ve always known I’ve loved you but is it in a different way now. Now it’s changed were changed. I’m not surprised but I can say I knew it was coming.

MAH

The lack of light hides the eyes

The lack of light hides the eyes
8-13-01

Still so unhappy I should feel something but there is nothing there
It all feels so damn empty.
Why is there no love behind it?
Is something so totally missing?
What happened to the talking and the cuddling? Why don’t I fell important and special
Where is the walking on water thing?
I must have missed it somewhere.
I don’t see that light inside of me.
It’s not there and I’m sure that it won’t be.
I’m trying to too hard to make it appear.
It’s not there and maybe that’s what’s missing.

MAH

That Boy

That Boy


Chorus

Sometimes I wish I could get that boy
Sometimes I wish I was special enough
I just can’t win or measure up
I’m not the girl he’s been dreamin of

V1
I never really thought I’d like him
He was just some boy but he excited me
So shady so smart so sexy
But that’s not it he surprises me

Chorus

V2
When I first met him he was unspoken and not my type
But I stopped and looked and he was different
He amused me with his smarts and his dreamy facade

Chorus

So shady so smart and sooo sexy but that’s not it he surprises me


Authors Note: This song was written about a boy that I knew i was never going to be able to get with. It's kinda funny cause he became one of my friends. So if your wondering It's Will Corey. May 13th, 2001

Stalked by a Psycho

Stalked by a Psycho


Followed by words
Traced in my ever thought
My world being recreated by another's mind
Never really alone
Always being thought about
My ears burning
It's never really over
Psychos always know or think they know
or else they make it up
Am I that interesting stalker?
Do I fit your fancy?

Well fine, come and get me!

MAH

Shut up and Listen

Shut up and Listen

hey simple boy what are you looking for
what is it that you can't find
why have you stoped looking for another
is she something that special

can i help you?
tell me about her
show me this princess you speak of
or should i wait
will i be blinded by the light

did she break your heart
or just playing with it
is this a game
or just a dream that once could have been real

can i help you?
tell me about her
show me this princess you speak of
or should i wait
will i be blinded by the light

she walked away
shes not good enough
i hope you see that friend
you better open your eyes
your worth so much more

can i help you?
tell me about her
show me this princess you speak of
or should i wait
will i be blinded by the light
or maybe your just blinded by the glowwwwww
the glow the glow the non exanistant glow
MAH

Sweet Whisperer

Sweet Whisperer

I see you when I look in the stars,
Your smile shines in every light.
Your gentle voice whispers to me in the night breezes,
Saying such sweet tender words.
The essence of your thoughts brighten my every morning,
Filling it with possibilities and endless adventures.
Your heart is what you have given ever so devotionally,
Filled with indiscernibly inspiring feelings of love.
You're my fantasy I never have to awake from,
And never have to dream to feel.
I Love you Sweet Whisperer.
MAH

Sarah

Sarah

I saw you in my dream
It felt so good and right
I miss the way things were
And how we use to be

I miss my little sister
And the way we use to laugh
Those were the good old days
Living in a childhood phase

Do you remember when?
We light things on fire
And when you tired to teach me to spit
I remember those days like they were yesterday
Oh I miss you my friend

I’m sorry I grew up and grew stupid
I chose freedom over my friend
But I guess I lost in the end
Your hate for me if your new friend

I’m sorry Sarah, I’m sorry Sarah
I lost my sister, my little sister
One day I hope you forgive me
I didn’t mean to hurt you
Or cause you pain
I’m sorry sister, I’m so sorry
I’m sorry sister, I’m sorry Sarah
MAH

Author's Note: This is a song about a friend i use to have and a friend that i miss! I Hope some day she will forgive me.

Anger Management

Anger Management


(Chorus)
You forgot where your loyalties lye
You left again and didn’t say bye
True Friends don’t leave when it’s not their time
Not for a boy, not anytime.

(Verse)
The calls are few are far between
Trips to the beach are your new scene
You said it wasn’t serious, just giving a try
You do nothing but lie lie lie

You’re Desperate and you don’t see it
He’s using you to forget the bitch
You want his success and he wants your clit
You make me sick with your bullshit


(Chorus)

The anger rages deep inside
I want to hurt you and I don’t know why
You frustrate me and annoy me to death
There is so much more but I wanna forget the rest


What gets me the most In the end
You both ditched friend
You’re not worth the time I thought you were
You just another dead beat loser

(Chorus)

MAH

Meaning of Charming

Meaning of Charming

Sitting up against my bed post
Crying at the words that you said to me
And they didn’t mean
You were in my prayers if you could hear them through the crying
You told me lies and you kept them coming
I listen to my heart and loved you
I wish then that I only knew


So much for princes and garage band kings
You never knew the meaning of charming
Honesty wasn’t part of your rules
Loyalty wasn’t the game


You never meant what you said you felt
And then you walked away
You told me it wasn’t about me
You had things you had to change
You left me for a girl you did the same thing too

So much for princes and garage band kings
You never knew the meaning of charming
Honesty wasn’t part of your rules
Loyalty wasn’t the game

MAH

15

15

Trapped in your words,
So far from punishment
Such an awakening,
Almost a dream.
Once Believed dead,
Yet alive, so alive.
Full from your words.
Just the laugh.
Wrapped up so tight.
Full, so full
Never Leaving, never ever leaving

MAH

Charlatan

Charlatan

I can’t help but want to see you
It’s this little craving to want what I can’t have
Feeling special, I guess I could say that’s why
I love being desired.
It’s a thrill. You’re my pleasure.
Trying to explain in words this feeling is intoxicating
Freeing yet condemning
You make me feel alive again
Sexy even
I Love the attention
You’re my confession, my one sin
To fight or not to fight the temptation?
I surrender to my dreams.

MAH

Just a Feeling

Just a feeling

To what use to be a friendship I say cheers!
Before it all got complicated, it was easy to just walk away.
You were nothing special, nothing I couldn't just forget about.
I liked it better when you were just a feeling, not a confirmation.
Then I could be simply normal, plain and honest.
It hurts when you try to walk away
To say goodbye, not to say hello another day.
I know how you feel, and I feel the same
Stay with me for at least today.

MAH

Walking in a winter wonderland

Walking in a winter wonderland

It was a bitterly cold day, the type to freeze you from your core on out. The snow was coming down lightly in a power like fashion. I was starting to notice that my fingers were getting frozen. I looked for my gloves in my pocket but they weren’t there, I must have left them in my room I thought. Oh well keep moving. I kept walking hopeful that if I kept moving faster and faster I would get there sooner but it’s seemed to farther and farther way with each step I took. After what seemed like endless minutes I reached the first building I use to cut threw. I was greeted with a warm gust of air that just warmed face and reminded me that I still had a nose. I tried to walk slower so that I could enjoy the warmth but I had to carry on. Outside I went again. The second time out is always the worst. I was wrapped with covering with snow. The flurries lightly covered my hair and I kept walking. My building was in site only a little further. My brain was thinking why do you have to be here today. There is no one there waiting for your arrival. I ignore my thoughts and I walk some more. It’s finally about 10 feet away and I hurry toward the door. Up the stairs, I walk trying not to fall. I reach for the door and open it. This was what made my whole day matter. I bumped into someone. It’s was one of those days written in novels. I looked up at him, my hair all cover with snow; He smiled and returned the gesture. I mostly just remember seeing his eyes as I looked up. They had the sparkle of the first snowflake floating in the most beautiful white sky.


MAH

Have to Know

Have to know

I’m being stupid and I know it
I’m caring and I know I shouldn’t
What’s my problem
I can’t be honest
I’m too afraid to show how I feel
I wish he knew
And felt the same way too
I don’t want to be rejected
I had that feeling I’m out on a limb
I should just shut up
I’m in over my head
What do I do now
Should I let it go
I had to have blown it by now
I just have to know

MAH

The Show

The Show

In his smile
I lost the world.
It all faded away.
I watch him come alive with every strike of the pen.
One word after another fills me and rocks me inside.
He leaves me wanting more and so I ask him anything so he’ll keep talking.
This dance continues with ever stroke
He writes I read
I write he reads
Sometimes I stop and see past his face and soon
I realize that’s a place I’d rather not be
His eyes capture me with the way he looks at me
I try to pretend not to notice but the grin gives me away every time.

He’s something else
With that smile, I plan to stay lost.

MAH

Authors note: I was once told about autobiographical poems and i thought to myself i don't think of my poems as my life but as moments in it. This poem is about a moment i enjoyed.